I have found this to be true in almost every goal I have set. The way I envision accomplishing a goal at the outset ends up being different than how it really pans out. A couple months ago I talked about dealing with disappointment. I realized I forgot something that has been huge for me: gratitude. In a way, I’m glad I forgot to mention it, because this concept is worthy of it’s own post.
Why is gratitude so important? When the going gets tough gratitude is vital. When we hit speed bumps, and it seems like everything is going wrong, gratitude helps us remember what is going right. For me, my natural inclination when there are problems is to start seeing more problems. Everything feels like there is a big dark cloud over it.
In reality, nothing could be farther from the truth. When “things are bad”, our mind multiplies one or two negative things and ignores everything that’s going right. Gratitude forces us to stop and realize how many good things are happening even though we might be hitting a roadblock in a particular area in life.
Why I’m Such a Big Fan
I haven’t always practiced so much gratitude. I knew it was something I should do, and something I should have in my mind. Fortunately, I learned the lesson of gratitude before my brain injury (read about that here), because I would have never made it through without it.
I was 28 or 29 when I started feeling frustrated with my progress in life. There were several things I wanted to accomplish that hadn’t happened yet. The US was in the middle of the Great Recession. I was frustrated and worried and not sure what the future held. I felt that way for 3-4 months, and I couldn’t shake it. Then a thought started popping into my head that I needed to be more grateful for everything I had.
I started being more grateful in my prayers. I started being more grateful for the opportunities that I had in my career. I tried to be more grateful in my thoughts. Once I started practicing gratitude, it became easier to notice more things to be grateful for. It was like a big snowball started forming in my mind, and the bigger it got, the happier I felt. I felt more peace, and the uneasiness I had felt for months started disappearing.
I kept practicing and had about 4 years of developing grateful thinking habits by the time my brain injury happened. During the time right after my injury, gratitude helped me find peace. I was grateful that my injury was not as bad as it could have (and probably) should have been. I was regularly impatient and frustrated that my progress wasn’t faster. But gratitude helped me notice the small incremental progress I was making.
Relationship and Professional Advantages
Gratitude also affects our relationships with others. Have you ever noticed someone who is always complaining and never appreciates what they have? Those people can suck the life out of you.
Now think about people you know that are grateful and appreciative of the efforts of those around them. How do they make you feel? Don’t you want to be around them? Don’t they make you feel like a million bucks? In addition to internal peace, gratitude helps us enjoy richer relationships with those around us.
I can think of several examples of gratitude affecting my professional life. A big one that comes to mind is a couple years ago around Christmastime. It was early December and one of my projects was a little behind where I wanted it to be. My boss and I discussed the project, and he gave me advice for getting the project on track before things slowed down between Christmas and New Years.
I still don’t know where the thought came from, but I said , “Boss, thanks for taking the time to review the project and coach on how to improve.” I really meant what I said. And on top of that, it reinforced to my boss that I appreciated his input and respected his experience. That conversation changed our relationship, and I continue to look to him as a valuable mentor.
Gratitude can go far with our spouses as well. Do we notice their efforts at home with the housework? With the children? With our relationship? Thanking them for and appreciating their work lets them know that we’re paying attention to the little things they do.
Tips for Being More Grateful
How do you practice being grateful? These are some things I do:
- Think of all of the obvious advantages you enjoy
- Think of all of the smaller things that you enjoy that you might take for granted. Thank God for them.
- Think back on some recent challenges you have had. What could have gone worse? Be grateful that those things didn’t happen
- Avoid complaining and focus on the positive
Items 1 and 2 might seem obvious. Item 3 is one that has the most power to turn my attitude around. It’s not my reflex reaction yet, but it is easier than it was.
How has gratitude helped you? What do you do to make it a regular part of your thinking?